Editor’s Note: Reflections on Bi Visibility and Coming Out
September 23, 2009
Amanda Morgan
When I first came out as bisexual at age 12, I did not imagine that this was something I would have to do over and over…and over. I figured I’d tell everybody once, they’d get it and word of my sexual orientation would pass quickly and stick to me forever the way small-town gossip does.
When I came out, my mother was my strongest ally. She joined PFLAG, read many books about gay and bisexual youth and women. She even wrote a letter that was published in her church newsletter addressing the silence around LGBT issues and the accompanying homophobia that existed in the church. In this letter, she declared:
“My daughter, Amanda Morgan, is bisexual.”
This was the first time I had heard her describe me as such. My mother, a woman I used to think of as a timid church mouse, was earning her activist stripes by refusing to let her congregation ignore LGBT issues. And she began by sticking up for me. Proud barely begins to describe how I felt.
My senior year, both my mother and I participated in what is now known as the True Colors Conference, in West Harford, CT. I, as a speaker on a youth panel. My mother, representing PFLAG as the organizer of the Hug Room. The Hug Room, open throughout the conference, was a welcoming and affirming place for LGBT youth to go for a hug and a supportive ear, a place they could go if their own families were not supportive.
Fast forward to 2008.
I called my mother to see how she enjoyed a retreat she had recently attended. She told me about all the women she met. She was telling me about how she explained her various identities to the other participants, when she said:
“I’m also a proud parent of a gay daughter.”
I inhaled sharply. I am my mother’s only daughter.
“Mom, what? Why did you say that?”
Of course, my cell phone picked this opportunity to cut in and out. I told her we would discuss this when I came home to visit. As soon as she picked me up from the train station in New Haven, I repeated my question. I could tell she was nervous.
“Well, I mean, what would you like me to call you?”
“Mom, I’m bisexual.”
“Yes but, I just didn’t want to tell them that because I don’t want people to get the wrong idea about you…”
“What wrong idea?’
“….I don’t want them to think you go sleeping around.”
It seems somewhere between her proud declarations in the mid-nineties to the present day, my mother’s perceptions of bisexuality had changed. Simply put, her image of me as her studious, responsible daughter did not jive with nearly every other representation of bisexuality she had ever seen. So in my mother’s mind, I really was gay. Not because I was confused about my sexuality but because I did not fit the bisexual stereotypes that she had seen. And since she knew full well I wasn’t straight, I must be gay.
I urged my mother not to let this stop her from being a proud parent of a bisexual daughter. Not to react to the lack of accurate representations by perpetuating them through the erasure of my bisexuality. She said she’d think about it. It is a conversation we are still having.
This summer, I had the opportunity to be interviewed on the Today’s Show about the 40th anniversary of Stonewall. I was very excited. And nervous. But after speaking to one of the show’s producers about bisexual and trans activism and how much the erasure of our histories upsets me, I felt good. He was both supportive and receptive.
Due to other stories that broke around that time, the segment got bumped to the website. I was disappointed that I wasn’t going to be broadcast in the living rooms of my mother, grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins. Until I saw the segment. They identified me as a gay activist. Well, I thought, at least if no one sees it, it’ll save me the trouble of having to come out. Again.
It makes me wonder, how many other bisexual people have been gay-washed by the media? I can think of a few off the top of my head, but only because I am aware of them as very openly bisexual writers, activists and artists. In those cases, when they are identified as gay by the media, it is immediately laughable. For myself and others without such a public face, we have no opportunity to have the last laugh.
In a media culture where our very existence is frequently called into question whether via an alleged joke, or bad science, we can’t afford, nor should we have to, lose these voices and representations. This past Monday, when Kanye West claimed that bisexual men do not exist, I was reminded again of Peter Ruggiero’s words during the Bi Media Summit:
“Hearing bi men don’t exist had detrimental effects on me – I literally thought of doing myself in.”
Research suggests that Ruggiero is not alone. As we heard from bisexual health expert Amy Andre, bisexual people have higher rates of suicidal ideation than gay or straight people. I have to think that the near constant onslaught of widely affirmed propaganda that we do not exist is a strong contributor to this. At age 13, my own therapist told me I was straight, causing me unnecessary and unwarranted despair. Yet despite what many have said, we are still here and we are still bisexual.
As much as these thoughts weigh on my mind, today I am smiling because I am proud of all the openly bisexual people who stood up in the face of all this and continue to fight against defamation, persevering in spite of so much that works against us. I am so happy to have had the opportunity to commission, edit and compile this series of posts for Celebrate Bisexuality Day because it gave me the chance to work with people for whom I have so much admiration and respect and to share the results with the world.
I am proud of our achievements as openly bisexual people. When you tell the truth about your lives, you tell the truth of all our lives. I found myself nodding along to every piece. And most of all, I am excited to forward these links to my mother so that she can know (again) what good company I am in.
I want to extend a heartfelt thanks to all of our participants and especially to Cindi Creager, GLAAD’S Director of National News for being my main point person/support network/ ally/cheerleader during this whole process from conception to completion.
Amanda Morgan is an openly bisexual writer and photographer living in Brooklyn, NY. She is currently the Digital Media Initiatives Fellow at GLAAD. Please visit www.AmandaMorgan.com for more info.
Related Posts:How to be an Ally to a Bisexual Person
September 23, 2009
![Ellyn photo[1]](http://glaadblog.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/Ellyn-photo1.jpg "Ellyn photo[1]")
Ellyn Rusthrom
______________________________
By Ellyn Ruthstrom
I’ve drawn up a few tips that can certainly be taken into account by organizations, but my main focus was on the individual level. Straight allies can benefit from these recommendations, but I know that a lot of them developed for me more from my experiences with gays and lesbians over the years.
Believe that I exist. Despite ongoing scientific research that seems so determined to disprove the existence of bisexuality, plus the general lack of interest by the greater gay and lesbian community to acknowledge us, we really do exist.
When I tell you I’m bisexual, please don’t try to talk me into redefining my identity into something more comfortable for you. Please don’t tell me that if I haven’t been sexual with more than one sex in the last three, five, or ten years that I am no longer bisexual.
Celebrate bisexual culture along with me. We have a vibrant and rich cultural history within the bi community. Not only do we have fabulous examples of cultural communities that accepted and practiced bisexual living/loving—Bloomsbury Group, Greenwich Village, Harlem Renaissance—but from Sappho to Walt Whitman to Virginia Woolf to James Baldwin to June Jordan, we have many daring voices that have expressed love beyond the monosexual confines.
Please don’t try to convince me that people who lived bisexual lives in the past would have been gay if they had lived today. You don’t know that, I don’t know that, and your insistence that it is true says that you believe that people were bisexual only out of necessity, not by desire. I believe there have always been bisexual people just as you may believe there have always been gay and lesbian people.
Validate my frustration with the gay and lesbian community when they ignore or exclude bisexuals. Please don’t try and defend an action such as a keynote speaker who is addressing a LGBT audience but consistently says “gay and lesbian” when referring to all of us. It bothers me, so even if you don’t think it’s that important yourself, please don’t try and talk me out of my feelings.
Ask me, if appropriate, about my other-sex relationships and my same-sex relationships. Bisexuals live our lives in multiple ways. Some of us are monogamous and we would like to discuss that relationship openly with the people in our lives, no matter whom it is with. Some of us have more than one relationship going on and we’d like to be able to share that with others without feeling judgment.
If there is some sort of bisexual scandal in the news, don’t use it as an opportunity to make derisive remarks about bisexuals generally. As we know, all communities have examples of “bad behavior,” and painting everyone with the same brush doesn’t create much understanding between us.
When I’m not around, or any other bisexual, speak up when bisexual people are being defamed or excluded. It’s great when we can witness your support, but I’d love to know you are helping us even when we are not looking. You’ll be the best ally possible!
I’d love to hear your response to this list and add some tips of your own. You can email me at elruthstrom@comcast.net.
Ellyn Ruthstrom is the current president of the Bisexual Resource Center, past editor of the Boston Bisexual Women’s Network’s Bi Women newsletter, and a long-time community activist on social justice issues.
Bisexuals Front and Center
September 23, 2009
Mimi Hoang, Ph.D.
As part of GLAAD’s ongoing series of posts dedicated to Celebrate Bisexuality Day, we invited bisexual people to share their stories and talk about what today means to them.
_________________________________________
By Mimi Hoang, Ph.D.
A holiday is meant to make people pay attention to a significant cultural event or person, such as Independence Day or Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Not only does it remind you of something important , it also can lead you to pay homage to that person or event in ways you might not otherwise year-round. Many people hang their U.S. flags and light fireworks for Fourth of July. Many remember Dr. King’s civil rights work on the third Monday of January. What does Celebrate Bisexuality impel people to do?
As a bi community organizer, educator, and activist for more than a decade, I have seen firsthand the ups and downs of a very marginalized and misunderstood community. After I came through my own rocky coming out journey, I co-founded and co-chaired the first ever bi student group at UCLA because I knew that there just had to be a safe, centralized space for other bi students who had struggled like me, just like there were spaces for gay and lesbian students, transgender students, and students of color on campus. Now, after founding another bi social group, developing a bi resource center, conducting bi clinical research, and presenting bi lectures and workshops, I can say that there just has to be a day to toast the bi community because it does not get accolades during other parts of the year, or at all.
With all the dismissing and bullying the bi community faces from prejudicial gays and straights alike, the bi community most certainly deserves to be put front and center, surrounded by cake, balloons, and cheers. For once, the bi community is the focus of attention, rather than living in the margins. Imagine that – that bisexuality is central with straightness and gayness surrounding. Actually I’ve always conceptualized the spectrum of sexuality that way. Many people have relationships with more than one gender. So every time I get a confused or mocking look when I tell people that September 23rd is Celebrate Bisexuality Day, it just impels me to continue my work as a community builder and educator. Every time I get a, “What exactly is bisexuality?” or “I just don’t like bisexuals,” it just keeps me going. Until one day I don’t have to.
Mimi Hoang, Ph.D. is an out bi psychologist, researcher, educator, community organizer, and activist. She is currently on the steering committee for the Los Angeles Bi Center, as well as co-organizer of the annual Bi/Fluid Pride March. Dr. Hoang co-founded and chaired AMBI (A Meeting of Bi Individuals), was the Bi Advisory Board Chair of ‘Ohana House/Asian Pacific Islanders for Human Rights, and co-founded and co-chaired Fluid UCLA. She completed a dissertation on bi identity and internalized biphobia and has conducted numerous lectures and workshops on bisexuality at conferences, universities, and community agencies.
Related Posts:First Person Biography of a Bisexual US Army Veteran
September 23, 2009
Official U.S. Army photo of Pvt. Clifton Francis Arnesen, Jr. at Fort Dix, New Jersey: (Age 17) December 1965
As part of GLAAD’s ongoing series of posts dedicated to Celebrate Bisexuality Day, the following is an edited excerpt from Cliff Arnesen’s First Person Biography of a Bisexual US Army Veteran. Please click here for the original piece.
______________________________________________
“As a bisexual in the military, there is no distinction in terms of punishment, no refuge in being bisexual. You get the same consequences; you don’t get half a discharge.”
–Cliff Arnesen, Lesbian News, October 2001
At seventeen, I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade and talked my mother into signing a waiver for me to join the US Army–in an attempt to escape fr0m a life of poverty, filled with despair and devoid of hope.
However, several weeks into basic training at Fort Dix, New Jersey, I realized that although I had managed to escape fr0m the oppressive environment in Brooklyn, I had also painted myself into a corner. I agonized over the painful necessity of having to conceal my sexual orientation.
Also, fear was a constant reality, as I was well aware that I could be discharged or court-martialed for perjury — having lied on the entrance questionnaire which read:
“Are you a homosexual; and have you ever engaged in sexual activities with a member of the same sex?”
Thus, I held my fears in check and completed basic training, went on to Advanced Infantry Training School (AIT), earned a military high school diploma, and finally, based upon my performance evaluation, was selected by my superiors to attend Trainee Leadership School. But, I never made it to the school.
Instead, I went AWOL because I felt psychologically trapped in the military due to the tremendous stress and fear of trying to hide my sexual orientation and also because I found out that my Mother’s life was in danger. The danger was fr0m another alcoholic man she’d met who physically assaulted her. I kept a close eye on her during the three weeks I was AWOL.
Finally, after feeling assured that my Mother was as safe as could be, and knowing that I could be tried for “Desertion in time of War” after thirty days, I surrendered to the Military Police at Times Square. They handcuffed and arrested me and drove me back to Fort Dix.
Upon my arrival, I finally told my Company Commander that I was gay. Thereafter, I was put under house arrest for several days, then transferred to the stockade on a “holding status,” where I was interrogated by agents fr0m the Army Central Intelligence Division. (CID)
It was during the interrogation that the two agents told me that they thought I was a coward who made up the story of being gay in order to avoid combat duty in Vietnam. To my utter dismay, the agents told me that they needed explicit “proof” in order for me to satisfy their thinking that I was not lying. Needless to say I was shocked and bewildered that the Federal agents would blackmail me because they did not believe the admission of my sexual orientation.
Therefore, due to the ultimatum by the agents–and against my will –I committed what they defined as an “illegal act of sodomy” with another soldier. Afterwards, the other soldier and I were forced to sign a joint “confession.” Then, I was ordered to seek the council of a Roman Catholic Chaplain and a psychiatrist.
The next day, I had a brief session with the Chaplain, who simply told me that:
“God still loves you despite your sin.”
The Chaplain’s words stung my heart, as I know to the core of my soul that all love had to be okay with God because God did not make mistakes! Thus, I was not a mistake!
However, it was during the interview with the psychiatrist that I felt a sense of relief and a glimpse of understanding when the officer asked,
“Private Arnesen, do you like both boys and girls?
In response, I simply answered, “Yes.”
After my affirmative reply he asked, “To whom are you most attracted, boys or girls?”
Without hesitation, I told him my feelings were equal. I was physically and emotionally attracted to both genders. Then, he looked into my eyes and warned that I could be discharged as a “homosexual” because the military made no distinction between a person who was “homosexual or bisexual.”
Leaving his office under armed escort, I felt confused and lost, as I thought of myself as gay due to the rigid codes of sexual behavior within both the straight and gay communities. I thought I had to identify as gay because I didn’t know any bisexual people and would not be accepted in the gay community if I told anyone I liked girls, too.
Then, one morning shortly after the interrogations and meetings, a young soldier with a loaded .45 caliber pistol entered my 8 x10 cement cell, handcuffed me, and ordered me at gunpoint to march several miles through Fort Dix to a courthouse — all the while taunting that he would “shoot to kill” if I tried to escape.
Arriving at the courthouse, I was court court-martialed and sentenced to a year at hard labor in the stockade–of which I served four months in segregated confinement because other prisoners had threatened to rape and kill me. After completing the sentence, I was sent back to my AIT unit to face further threats of death and psychological intimidation by my superiors and fellow soldiers.
Finally, on Wednesday, January 25, 1967, I was given an “Undesirable Discharge,” which effectively precluded my receiving any and all future VA medical and educational benefits. I was escorted outside the gates of Fort Dix by two armed military policemen. I took a lighter out of my pocket, set fire to the “Undesirable Discharge,” and threw it on the ground. Then I hitched a ride back to Brooklyn with nothing but a subway token in my pocket.
May 16, 1990: Second day of Cliff Arnesen's Congressional Testimony Before the U.S. House Committee on Veterans' Affairs: Subcommittee on Oversight and Investigations
On May 3rd 1989, Cliff Arnesen became the first openly bisexual Veteran to testify before members of the United States Congress during formal hearings held before the U.S. House Committee on Veterans Affairs: Subcommittee on Oversight and Investigations — addressing health care issues relating to LGBT veterans who suffered fr0m AIDS, homelessness, Agent Orange, drug and alcohol abuse, and less-than-honorable gay and bisexual related discharges. He continues to advocate for the rights of LGBT veterans as president of New England Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender Veterans, Inc.
Related Posts:Q & A with Bisexual Activist Amy Andre
September 23, 2009
Amy Andre
This Q & A with Amy Andre is part of GLAAD’s tribute to Celebrate Bisexuality Day, September 23rd 2009.
_____________________________
Can you tell me how you got your start as a bi activist? What has motivated you to focus on bisexual issues?
I read Bi Any Other Name when I got to college, in 1992. I was already out by then (as a bisexual, which I still identify as to this day), but the book really motivated me to get active around bisexual politics. It’s a book that continues to inspire me, as do its editors, Lani Ka’ahumanu and Loraine Hutchins.
Bisexual Health is an amazing book full of vital information – can you tell me how that project got started and what it was like working on it?
Around 2006, BiNet USA and the Fenway Institute (part of Boston’s famous LGBT health organization) were working on the book with the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, (which published the book). Lani and Loraine, who, by this time, were not just mentors and inspirations to me but also friends of mine, were involved in editing the book, and the Task Force asked me to come on board the project as a co-author. I had recently finished my master’s degree in sexuality studies, where I did my thesis on bisexual women’s identity development. So, I had already been doing research and writing on bi issues.
The project was already underway when I came on board. A lot of the research had already been done, and my work involved synthesizing the findings and writing about them. I had a full-time job at the time at Out & Equal Workplace Advocates. I worked on the book in my spare time, on evenings and weekends; it was a little over a year between the time I got involved and when the book came out.
It was an incredible experience, and one that continues to this day. I do a lot of public speaking about the book. Just this year alone, I’ve lectured at Brown, Stanford, Rutgers, among other schools.
You’ve also made a documentary film, On My Skin/En Mi Piel, about a mixed-race transgender man and his family. As a mixed-race person myself, I really appreciate the way you are bringing these issues of race, skin privilege, and gender together and addressing the ways they overlap and affect each other. How did that project come about?
My partner is a filmmaker, and I’m a film buff. So, in 2005, just for fun, I decided to take a free film-making 101 class at a local community center. I’m a biracial African American Jew, and I’m a sexuality studies writer; and I had this idea to write a piece based on interviews with mixed-race people talking about their sexualities. (I think we as mixed-race people have a unique take on sexuality and the intersections of race and sex.) But when the opportunity came up to take the class, I thought, “why not create a film instead of an essay?” I wanted to capture not just the words but also the images of mixed people.
At the same time, a friend of mine, a queer mixed transman who has a master’s in sexuality studies and a master’s in ethnic studies, was writing some amazing stuff about his mixed and trans identities. He’s incredibly smart and articulate, and I ended up building my film around him and his words and his journey.
The film came out in 2006, and I started showing it at LGBT film festivals. It gained tremendous momentum and eventually showed at festivals around the world. I even had a version made with Spanish subtitles, and it got shown in Spain and Latin America – and not just in LGBT festivals, but also in Latino film festivals. I still get requests for it to this day, through my site, www.amyandre.com.
Screenshot from On My Skin/En Mi Piel
Many of the bisexual activists I have spoke to have collaborated with transgender people and activists because, not only are there many trans people who are also bisexual, they see a natural alliance between bisexual and transgender issues. Would you say you have found this to be true in your work as well?
Absolutely. I think that we have similar ways in which we analyze, deconstruct, and reconstruct concepts like gender and its salience in our lives.
You’ve frequently been a resource for the media on bisexual health as well as LGBT health disparities. Last month, you participated in the Bi Health Summit in Chicago. What can you tell us about the way bisexual health is treated in the media? As a spokesperson, have you noticed a change over time in the type(s) of questions you get asked or the circumstances in which you are sought out to speak on these issues?
I think the media has a long way to go in creating accurate portrayals of bisexual health. For example, the average article that touches on anything bisexual is usually along the lines of: “Do they exist? This expert says yes, but this one says no. Hmm. Who has the stronger evidence? I’ll conclude that it seems that they do exist, but not much more is known.”
Of course, anyone who wants to debate the fact of my existence – or my right to call myself bi – disgusts me. But the underlying idea, that this is the most we can say about bisexuals (“yes, there are some people who identify as bi”) is equally appalling. It wastes an opportunity to educate about bisexual health, which, in my biased opinion, is what we need to be talking about.
The four questions I get asked the most are:
- What percentage of people identify as bisexual? According to a ton of research, the answer is: 50% of people who identify as either gay, lesbian, or bisexual, identify as bisexual. We make up half of the LGB population.
- What is bisexual health about? Don’t bisexuals have better health than gays/ lesbians, but maybe worse than heterosexuals? Aren’t they in the middle? The answer is no. Bisexuals have poorer health than gays and lesbians. Gays and lesbians have poorer health than heterosexuals. This means that there is a hierarchy of health, with heterosexuals at the top, gays and lesbians in the middle, and bisexuals at the bottom. And I’m speaking here of people who identify as straight, identify as gay and lesbian, and identify as bisexual. I’m not even talking (yet) about behavior!
- Why are bisexuals at the bottom of that hierarchy of health? The answer is simply: biphobia. Studies of stigma show that bisexuals are more stigmatized than gays and lesbians. In fact, out a group of 100 stigmatized identity categories, bisexuals are second only to IV drug users in level of stigma. That means the average person would rather hang out with almost anyone except a bisexual person – unless they have to choose between a bisexual person and an IVDU. (This group of 100 categories includes gay and lesbian, by the way.) That biphobia, that stigma against bisexuals, has very real health consequences.
- What health issues do bisexuals face? Compared to gays, lesbians, and heterosexuals, bisexuals have significantly higher rates of smoking, drinking, drug use, depression and other mental illness, suicidal tendencies, cutting and other self-harming behaviors, and domestic violence victimization, among other health and safety problems.
The bottom line is: we make up half the LGB (sexual identity minority) population, and we’ve got the worst health – and really bad health. That means our community has a health crisis on our hands. So articles debating my existence and the existence of my fellow bisexuals are beyond the pale compared to what we should really be focusing on.
What are some of the recent developments in bisexual health? What do you think our next big challenges are, when it comes to our health and how it is perceived?
I think the biggest challenge is drawing attention to the problem – and letting people know that there are solutions. Fenway Health in Boston, for example, has made tremendous strides in caring for bisexuals and dealing with bisexual health. Other LGBT health centers and health care providers need to be educated on bisexual health, so they can apply or adapt the Fenway model – or create solutions of their own.
A simultaneous challenge is getting at the root of what’s causing these issues: biphobia. If we build bi community, if we speak out against biphobia at every opportunity, and if our allies really come through to support us, I believe we can eradicate biphobia and cause a true shift in the health of bisexuals. You’ll notice, after all, that each of the bi health problems I mentioned is related to the impact of being part of a deeply stigmatized group. Take away the stigma, the shame, and the oppression, and we can change the world, and not just for bisexuals but for all sexual minorities.
Amy Andre, MA, MBA, is a writer, university lecturer, and the co‐author of Bisexual Health, a book published by the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force. A biracial, bisexual, African American Jew, she lives in San Francisco with her partner, a filmmaker. With a master’s degree in sexuality studies (focusing on bisexual identity and LGBT community) and a business degree in nonprofit management, Amy does consulting for LGBT organizations. Visit her online at www.amyandre.com.
Related Posts:What Celebrate Bisexuality Day Means To Me
September 23, 2009
Amy Andre
As part of GLAAD’s ongoing series of posts dedicated to Celebrate Bisexuality Day, we invited bisexual people to share their stories and talk about what today means to them.
______________________________
By Amy Andre
Celebrating bisexuality is an act of healing and an opportunity to claim and create community. According to leading studies, when it comes to sexual identity, self-identified bisexuals make up fifty percent of the LGB population. And yet, we bisexuals (and our allies) remain in so many ways invisible and marginalized and not quite aware of the extent to which bisexuals are part of the larger LGBT community.
Research also shows that bisexuals are more stigmatized than people of other sexual orientations, including gays and lesbians. This stigma – and the accompanying sense of invisibility and marginalization– has a tremendous impact on bisexual health. Biphobia is real, and causes real health problems.
Recently, I co‐authored Bisexual Health, a public policy book published by the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force in association with the Fenway Institute and BiNet USA (and available as a free PDF download on the Task Force’s website). In the book, my co‐authors and I document the fact that bisexuals suffer from poorer health than gays and lesbians. When it comes to sexual orientation, there is a hierarchy of health, with bisexuals at the bottom, heterosexuals at the top, and gays and lesbians in the middle.
For example, bisexuals have higher rates of smoking, drinking, drug abuse, depression, suicidal ideation, cutting/ self‐harming behavior, and domestic violence victimization, compared to gays, lesbians, and heterosexuals. These health issues are intimately connected to the biphobia and the higher levels of stigma that bisexuals encounter.
Celebrating bisexuality means celebrating the community that we are creating with each other. Celebrating bisexuality means affirming our place in the broader LGBT community. Celebrating bisexuality means recognizing one another, and saying to one another, “I see you, I know you, and I want you to enjoy health and well‐being.” Celebrating bisexuality is an act of self‐love and community love – which is an appropriate response to a sexual identity that is about one’s capacity to love others. And that’s what Bisexual Pride means to me.
Amy Andre, MA, MBA, is a writer, university lecturer, and the co‐author of Bisexual Health, a book published by the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force. A biracial, bisexual, African American Jew, she lives in San Francisco with her partner, a filmmaker. With a master’s degree in sexuality studies (focusing on bisexual identity and LGBT community) and a business degree in nonprofit management, Amy does consulting for LGBT organizations. Visit her online at www.amyandre.com.
…But Every Day is Celebrate Bisexuality Day
September 23, 2009
Faith Cheltenham
As part of GLAAD’s ongoing series of posts dedicated to Celebrate Bisexuality Day, we invited bisexual people to share their stories and talk about what today means to them.
_________________________________________________________
Racially speaking, I’m African-American, British West Indian, German and American Indian. Culturally I’m a cross-culturally raised African American with 2 Irish American step-parents and 6 biracial half siblings. I’m a woman as well, but the hardest label to apply has been bisexual. Why? Could it be the multitude of untoward, tawdry references to my orientation as flights of fancy, sex addictions and/or confused fence sitting? Or is it just the lack of bisexual visibility in media, political leadership and LGBT organizations that has left us with stereotypical representation?
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” so I’ll take this moment to say, I exist HAPPILY within the label of bisexual! I’m proud of our history, and of heroes like Brenda Howard who co-founded the New York Pride Parade and Cliff Arnesen, the first openly bisexual veteran to speak to Congress on the LGBT veteran experience. I’m proud of myself and others who’ve successfully navigated their way through landmines of mono to a life in stereo; without silence, shame or regret. The bisexual movement is now two decades into a thriving bisexual renaissance, with bisexual politicians (Go Micah Kellner!), models (Amber Rose, what’s not to like!) and even a bisexual dating show.
I am not half gay, nor half straight but ALL BI! As less time is spent defending our right to exist, the wealth we have to share with communities of Straight and Gay becomes apparent. For years we’ve devised successful strategies for discussing equality with opposite sex partners, hard work we now share during Marriage Equality efforts. And while racism and sexual orientation/gender identity discrimination are similar but not the same, I find hope in the success of a biracial African American man who created change by redefining it. President Obama chose not to straddle lines of black and white, preferring instead a whole and undivided self. Like me he is one without being the other, and today I urge you to celebrate the pride of adjusting your reality to defy expectations.
Faith Cheltenham pounded pavement as a HRC “Campaign College” intern on the Gore 2000 campaign and was a cast member of “Black. White.” a 2006 Emmy-winning reality show on Race in America for FX Networks. A web and media producer, Faith’s clients have included Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York and Tor.com, a Science Fiction social networking website she co-developed. A 10-year bisexual activist and BiNet USA Vice President, Faith is also an occasional contributing writer for advocate.com and stand-up comedian in Southern California.
Related Posts:The Holiday I Didn’t Know Existed
September 23, 2009
Jackson S.
As part of GLAAD’s ongoing series of posts dedicated to Celebrate Bisexuality Day, we invited bisexual people to share their stories and talk about what today means to them.
__________________________________
By Jackson S.
I did not know about Celebrate Bisexuality Day until last year, a week after it was over, when I was involved in my campus’s LGBT group. The fact that none of us had heard about it is ironically an important part of what the day now means to me.
Even though many members of our group identified as bisexual, our bisexual-specific programming was (and still is) sorely lacking because people decided that gay and lesbian programs were more accessible to straight people and therefore a more important part of our program. Even transgender inclusion, so often overlooked, was more common than bisexual inclusion, to which I can attest because I have always been pigeonholed as “the trans guy” instead of “the bi guy.”
As a queer activist, it was frustrating how many bad excuses I would hear for our groups’ refusal to include bisexual programs:
“Bisexuality is included in gay and lesbian.”
“There aren’t enough bisexuals to hold a program.”
“Bisexuality is too much of a choice.”
And my personal favorite:
“We need to worry about what we could sell to straight people.”
The few bisexual programs we did have only came into being after some intense conversations with people who were trying to block them.
For bisexuals like myself, this lack of visibility can take a horrible toll, especially when it is orchestrated by members of our own community. Our sexuality is too often treated like a burden, complication, or afterthought. We become a token addition to an acronym, rather than being truly celebrated.
On September of last year, it hit home for me how bad this problem really was. A whole day dedicated to celebrating our corner of the community, and nobody had heard of it.
But don’t think that my assessment is in some way denigrating Celebrate Bisexuality Day! Quite the opposite. I think about Transgender Day of Remembrance, and how having that observance provided a time in which nobody could claim transgender issues were too irrelevant for inclusion.
Celebrate Bisexuality Day is a time when the only logical conclusion is to open up a dialogue in which bisexuality is included and, of course, celebrated. This is something I think bisexuals, especially those hidden within other queer people, really need. But, like bisexuality itself, it is difficult to advocate its inclusion when few realize it exists.
Jackson S. is a bisexual and transgender activist living in Wisconsin with his cat and three dogs. He is a graduate of the University of Wisconsin at Oshkosh, where he remains active in the LGBT community. In his free time he enjoys web design, camping, and writing science fiction.
Related Posts:Binational & Bisexual Discrimination
September 23, 2009
Renata Moreira
As part of GLAAD’s ongoing series of posts dedicated to Celebrate Bisexuality Day, we invited bisexual people to share their stories and talk about what today means to them.
________________________________________
By Renata Moreira
I have come across endless stories of im/migration since transplanting myself here from Brazil over 12 years ago. Many of our stories reflect the search for better economic opportunities, the escape from persecution, access to quality education, healthcare, and so on. My story echoes such narratives, but with a delicious twist: I moved here for love, migrated by choice, and stayed with pride.
Karla, my girlfriend at the time, picked me up at the Detroit International Airport during a freezing January morning in 1997. I had been granted an F-1 visa (student visa) and was ready to start a new life with my partner. It was all bliss for a few years, but as we grew apart I realized I had found a new love: my American compatriots. My romantic relationship was soon over, but I chose to continue building a solid relationship with my new American families and transferred to a college in NYC.
A few years later, I met Brad – a good ol’ Jersey boy who became my dear hubby and green card sponsor. I obtained my permanent residency in 2002 after filling out piles of paperwork with the INS (now Homeland Security). Our commitment and friendship was an incredible experience, but our marriage did not turn out how we expected (him a musician, me a political scientist), so we got an amicable separation in 2005.
A year later, I fell in love with an incredible Brazilian woman during a trip to visit my family only to experience the biggest heartbreak of all: I was not allowed to sponsor her into this country as my ex-husband had done for me. We applied for student visas, working visas, research visas, you name it. The United States wouldn’t even allow her to visit me! We considered immigrating to Canada, where we hoped we would be able to reunite, but I could not secure residency there due to my status here. What a limbo! After two years of pain, expenses, and separation I chose not to move back to Brazil and our long distance relationship was officially over.
But the story doesn’t end there – Being bisexual, and perfectly capable of falling in love with someone from any gender/sex, puts me in a position of being singled out for scrutiny over and over again. Some immigration officers now claim that my previous marriage was false and done only for green card purposes and so I continuously experience bi-phobia and live fear that my citizenship application may be denied due to my sexual orientation. It is sad that this country that I learned to love and call my home continues to reinforce discriminatory immigration laws that destroy families and diminish our pride of becoming “Americans.”
Renata Moreira, a Brazilian American educator, activist, and performer, has worked to promote full equality for LGBT families and to end violence against women and children for over a decade. She holds a B.A. in Political Science and is pursuing interdisciplinary graduate studies in Sociology and Gender at the Graduate Center of CUNY. For more information and speaking engagements contact renatamoreira2010@gmail.com.
Related Posts:Q & A with Bisexual Activist Robyn Ochs
September 23, 2009
This Q & A with Robyn Ochs is part of GLAAD’s tribute to Celebrate Bisexuality Day, September 23rd 2009. Join GLAAD as we dedicate a day of posts to highlight bisexual visibility in honor of all bisexual people and allies past, present, and future. Keep checking the national news section on glaadBLOG as we will be updating throughout the day.
Can you tell me how you got your start as a bi activist?
I grew up in an activist home. My mom was a community activist and my uncle was an anti-war Civil Rights activist. I was raised with the idea that you have a responsibility to make the world a better place. I cared about a lot of different issues, but there was one issue that hardly anybody was working on: making space for bisexual people and bisexual identity. And of course, as someone who identifies as bi, I had a great deal of personal investment in the subject, and my activism and my personal journey were mutually reinforcing.
You’re also active in the marriage equality movement – can you talk a bit about that experience and what it has been like for you as a bi person in that movement?
There is an enormous overlap between quote unquote bisexual issues and quote unquote lesbian and gay issues. We share an interest in eliminating discrimination based on sexual orientation. As a result, much of my activism has been within the larger LGBT movement and one of these issues has been marriage equality. This subject is of great personal importance to me because on May 17th 2004, Massachusetts became a marriage equality state and I was able to marry my long-term love. I’ve served on the board of MassEquality since 2004. In June, 2008 we won a successful battle against a constitutional amendment, and took this issue off the table.
Robyn Ochs (left) married her long-term partner Peg Preble on May 17th 2004.
You’re also vocal about transgender issues; can you about the work you’ve done with transgender activists?
I’m a firm believer that all types of oppression are related. I have the responsibility to stand up for my friends in the same way I stand up for myself.
After we won marriage equality in MA, we at MassEquality saw our top priority as passing a bill which would add the category “gender identity or expression” to our hate crime laws as well as to the employment, housing, credit, public accommodations, and public education non-discrimination laws. We have been working in close partnership with the Massachusetts Transgender Political Coalition. We are committed to working in harmony with MTPC, mobilizing our resources to support their work rather than jumping in like a big monster and trying to take over.
Passing this bill has been MassEquality’s number one priority for 2009 and we are hopeful of success.
I also served for several years on the Trans Task Force at Harvard University and we succeeded in adding gender identity to the university’s anti-discrimination policy. Currently, TTF is advocating for the University to better meet the health needs of transgender people, including access to hormones and medical procedures. TTF has also done work on name changes, admissions, housing, identifying and increasing the number of single-stall gender-neutral bathrooms, lots of “Trans 101 workshops,” and more.
I see a natural alliance between bi and trans activists.
What is that?
We challenge over-simplistic binary thinking and we all too often get forgotten. We both often have to remind people to pay attention to our issues, to remember that we’re a part of the community.
What are some of your most memorable moments as a bi activist? A moment that made you go ‘Aha! – this is why I do what I do.’
Most of them come about as a result of my work as a speaker and educator. There are so many, it’s hard to choose just one. So I won’t!
Speaking to a 19-year-old student in New Hampshire who said ‘I’ve never before met a grown-up bisexual who was happy and has a real life.’ There’s so little information out there. I can’t even describe the look on her face – it was so beautiful. She was so excited to meet me because she realized for the first time that it is possible to have this identity and grow up to be a healthy, happy adult.
Having the privilege of meeting local activists who are working to change their own communities. There are so many people doing this work in small towns – and it’s hard enough to do this in New York City, or LA. Every single time I meet one of these activists and hear their story, I am honored to be in their presence. How do they find the courage to do what they’re doing? They are doing the hardest work of all. I give something to them by being as out and public as I am and coming to their community to tell my story. And they are giving me their stories and inspiring me in return. I don’t know if they realize how much strength I get from meeting them.
A few years ago, I was at the University of Wyoming on National Coming Out Day and a young man said ‘To me, you’re a visitor from a future world that I hope to live in some day. Meeting you gives me hope.’ He said that to me and we both cried.
You were recently honored by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force for longevity in the movement. As someone who has been doing this for a long time, how have things changed and how have things stayed the same?
One of the things I brought up when I keynoted the Bi Media Summit in New York City back in May is that creating bi-visibility and illuminating the spectrum is a job that is never going to be done. The human mind will continue to reduce things to binaries unless constantly reminded of reality, complexity. This is not a job you can do once, and finish.
On the other hand, I’ve seen a lot of really positive change, such as the increasing inclusiveness of most LGBT organizations.
I was an invited guest at the LGBT Stonewall Reception at the White House this past June, and when President Obama spoke, he said “lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender.” That meant a huge amount to me. Hearing the President of the United States use inclusive language was music to my ears. It reminded me that while we still have a lot of work to do we have come a long way.
Robyn and Peg after their wedding, May 17th 2004.
Robyn Ochs has identified as bisexual since 1976. She is the editor of Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, the editor of the Bi Women newsletter and a consultant who travels around the world speaking about bisexual identity, marriage equality, and other subjects. She lives in Boston with one wife, two cats and a Uromastyx lizard.
Related Posts:Happy Celebrate Bisexuality Day!
September 23, 2009
Celebrate Bisexuality Day is observed every year on September 23rd by bisexual people and allies. It was started in 1999 by three bisexual rights activists, former BiNet USA president Wendy Curry, Michael Page and Gigi Raven Wilbur. Today is a day to recognize and celebrate bisexual people, culture, community and history.
As noted on the Task Force’s OutSpoken Blog last year, the first annual Celebrate Bisexuality Day had its inauguration at the International Lesbian, Gay Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association (ILGA) World Conference in Johannesburg, South Africa. There, IGLA issued a proclamation:
“On International Celebrate Bisexuality Day, ILGA calls on people, researchers, organizations, services and governments to apply the same respect, recognition and rights to bisexual peoples as they do to any other group of people in society. Around the world today, September 23rd, from the cities of North America to those in Australia, from Japan to Europe and here in Johannesburg, South Africa, bisexual people, their partners, families, friends and their lesbian, transgender, gay and straight allies, are joined in solidarity for the 1st international Celebrate Bisexuality Day.”
Join GLAAD as we dedicate a day of posts to highlight bisexual visibility in honor of all bisexual people and allies past, present and future.
Related Posts:GLAAD Set To Participate In May 30th Panel, “Putting the ‘B’ in LGBT”
May 20, 2009
The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center of New York City is joining forces with the Bi Writers Association for a May 30th Summit, “Putting the “B” in LGBT. The Saturday event runs from 11 AM to 6:30 PM.
The half day gathering brings highly accomplished bi advocates, activists and key media professionals together with concerned community members to discuss how all parties can promote fair and inclusive portrayals of bi people and issues
You can read more about the summit here. And here is an excerpt:
“Many people aren’t quite sure how the ‘B’ fits into LGBT,” says Bruce Anderson, Interim Executive Director of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center “as a result, mention of bisexual people often goes missing from discussion of LGBT rights issues like marriage equality, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and ENDA in press releases, media coverage and political speeches.”
“We want to marry our same-sex partners, want to stop getting kicked out of the military, need non-discrimination protection at work and hate crimes laws on the street… these issues are very important to the bi community,” says Sheela Lambert, Founder of the Bi Writers Association. “Accuracy of reporting on LGBT issues is compromised when bisexual people are left out of the equation,” Lambert points out.
I’ll be speaking on a panel from 5 to 6:30. It is the closing plenary discussion “Putting the “B” in LGBT: How can we do a better job?”
In my four years as GLAAD’s National News Director I’ve worked closely with bi activists across the country to respond to media reports that seek to sensationalize bi issues or deem bi people invisible. The May 30th panel will focus on educating journalists about how to cover bi issues in the most fair and responsible way.
For more information on the panel contact:
Sheela Lambert
917-583-1797
info@biwriters.org
www.biwriters.org
